Blackened eyes see the world through suspicious conspiracies
Whispers and secrets confuse the mind
All the while reminding me, I got left behind
To shine all the precious memories through
A decade of loneliness
A decade of depression
How did I survive so long with-out you?

My temple cracks and crumbles
Grasping into nothingness as I stumble and fall
Dry and dead leaves crack and disintegrate beneath my feet
Feeling and memories fade and retreat
To a never ending barrage and defeat
How can I survive this wretched assault?
Multiple personalities I stop to consult
Nothing seems real everything so strange
I’m only insane I am not completely deranged

Forbidden words that terrorize
Please release the dead visions from my eyes
The years of mutilated self preservation
A decade of wars
A decade of innocence
Steal the decaying equation I surmise

Through the eyes of a child you looked up at me
From that day forth I stapled my skin and soul shut
So easy to judge, with no hint of any tolerance
I kiss your picture every chance I get
I say hello to you over the whispers of the wind
Forgive me, my cuts that hide my shame
Choke down pills to simply null yet another’s day pain

When Am I allowed to see you once again?
Crystal foundations chip away at my path
Bleeding memories pools of mixed emotion
Scarred punishments stain my skin and soul
Scratches of my salvation stain my heart
Why can’t I throw it all away, why can’t I make a better day?
Failing torments my courage, my sweet tormenting nightmares’.
Like yelling across a wikked bonfire, when can I stop hating me?

A Sunday in the park, cell phone turned off
Taking a walk across the pathway bridges, studying spider webs
Run from one to the next, feeding the ducks as they swam past underneath us
It was a wonderful day, little did I know it was to be the last time I saw you!
I brought you home at 7:30pm the typical time on a Sunday
But this was no ordinary Sunday.
The fighting began as soon as we got out of the car...
Why was “my” cell phone off!? She yelled
She was furious and irate, everything was my fault, always was…
The very last time I looked into your eyes, I could not look away
I stood in shock, tears beginning to roll down my cheeks
And for the very first time you called me your “Other Daddy”
Christine smiled, and said “What do you expect” and the knife tore in just a little more
Agoraphobic boundaries began trapping me inside ever-closing
Pseudo-psychic visions of you began appearing within everyone I saw
Fading pictures in my hands, how did I expect to survive?
Spite and anger began to sever my only bloodline, my one true love

A decade of blood loss
A decade of a fools coin toss
10 years stolen from a fight
A decade of pure fucking SPITE!

I called all week, I called all month, excuses where just pilling up
I thought a break would help her and in November she just hung up.
At Christmas 2wice I called never a single return, not one at all
There was no Jolly Christmas for me that year, none at all

So on your birthday we all sat in the school computer lab
Friends gathered around me, excited as I. they all just wanted to hear you
If anything to stop me from crying;]
I dialed your number and the phone rang over the speaker
As if the whole lab had gone into silence mode... Not a single cough!
The pressure and intensity was so high I could hear my own heart beat
When Your Mom Said Hello, I was almost afraid to speak….
I said “Hello Christine, I hope all is well, I am calling for Samantha…..”
Before another word was spoken she said” Do not ever call here again,
And to go FUCK OFF!” She hung up then… the lab in silence
My friends took me away from there
They knew I was on the verge of collapse

I was never granted goodbye, it hurts so bad all I do is cry
A grand cliché something only you can suspiciously deny
I write in my Journals every night, to tell how my day was
Almost denying the fact your have been gone for so very long
After a decade of tears and I wonder will I ever see you again!?

I love You With All My Heart, Soul, & Life 4Ever Princess
SL-R
[ Samantha Laverty - Rutledge // A.K.A: Sam Parsons ]
--->-->--Җ@   2hugz ♥♥ 2Kisses   @Җ--<--<--
Jeremy Laverty (Jer OC) ©2008, †OC Industries ©2008 Metalwood Inc.™ since 1988