Inside Anxiety
(2005)


The mind gripping, abdomen wrenching, heart skipping feelings that come when you allow yourself to care about something or someone?
When the moment reality washes over you and heats the very blood in your veins and instantly chills the sweat on your skin...
The blood draining, stomach dropping, Nausea that comes from letting yourself care,
The sweet, sweet taste of heart pounding, throat closing, taking the very air from your lungs and crushing you down to your knees...
When every thought, about that one thing you let yourself care about in the 1st place, becomes the self fulfilling prophecy you SWORE to yourself...
 you promised yourself
 you played yourself
you lied to yourself

 …meanwhile back in the brain…

The shadows infiltrate ... standing in the sunset of a beautiful day, when from the corner of your eye you notice a speck, a far off distant blur..
When by the time you even finish blinking, a shock, a pain, a vertigo swirling sucker punch that floors you so hard you can’t even respond
The shear and unending blanket of dread and death, an aura of fear, insecurity, and doubt, That assaults you until you break in some form or another
Further punishing and tormenting you, laughing as they point and stare, a phrase for you, seemingly endless despair.
Attacks barrage emotions and toy with your mind, starting the engine of analytical processes
While every thought… every possible outcome… of every possible situation, are feebly been calculated in your mind, for fear of the very end of your existence
As the attack begins to wane and a fraction of normality splits the darkness and the endless, unforgiving, torture to decent into misery for all eternity
Yet never arriving at misery itself, an emotion that seems to last moments, when only seconds tick by.

*~*Puzzled he looks around, a little disorientated, though to be honest to himself he is not all that surprised, or so he has been telling himself for so many years…
So many assurances to just hold on, to wait just one more second
just… wait… but
 You Lied, I Sighed
You Lied, I Cried
You Lied, I Died

He lied to himself...

Jer OC © 2006, Metalwood Inc.™ since 1988